Dignity is for republicans.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
