thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
