He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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