I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
