Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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