no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
