I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
