And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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