Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
