i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk is not a location!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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