Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize