If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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