awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
