I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
