You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
