I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
