I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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