Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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