Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
