i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
