He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
