Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
