I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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