you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
