:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
