I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
