not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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