i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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