I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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