it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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