I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
