I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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