happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We were destined to go to rehab together
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
