Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
