i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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