I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
