Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
