Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
