hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
