Kareoke will never be a sober sport
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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