we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
