Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
