"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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