Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
