After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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