So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
