he puts the penis in happiness.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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