Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
