there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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