dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
