It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
