So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
