yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
