Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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