i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
