after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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