it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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