i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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