just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
