Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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