Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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