Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
