The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
