Where is the hickey?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
