If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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