You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
