No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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