i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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