Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
