If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
